DON'T GET BUSY TO *THESE* SONGS
The site XOJane.com recently put together a list of The 50 Worst Songs to Have Sex To...and ERIC CLAPTON'S "Tears in Heaven" was given the #1 spot.
That's not a bad choice. If you don't know...It's a sad song that Clapton wrote after the traumatic death of his four-year-old son, who fell from the window of a 53rd-floor apartment in New York City.
Coming in second was "The Cosby Show" theme song. (???)
It's called "Kiss Me", and it was originally co-written by BILL COSBY. The music was tweaked by BOBBY MCFERRIN for Season Four...and was altered several more times for later seasons. No particular version was specified.
Here's the Top 20:
1.) "Tears in Heaven", Eric Clapton
2.) "The Cosby Show" theme
3.) "Silent All These Years", Tori Amos
4.) "Takin' It to the Streets", The Doobie Brothers
5.) "Baby Baby", Amy Grant
6.) "Mambo Number 5 (A Little Bit Of...)", Lou Bega
7.) "Love Can Move Mountains", Celine Dion
8.) "Orinoco Flow (Sail Away)", Enya
9.) "It's Wasn't Me", Shaggy (LOL!)
10.) "Scream", Michael Jackson...A duet with Janet Jackson, written in response to the tabloid coverage of the child sexual abuse accusations made against him in 1993.
11.) "I Can Transform Ya", universally-renowned romantic Chris Brown
12.) "Only Wanna Be with You", Hootie and the Blowfish (...what's wrong with that?)
13.) "Sweet Caroline", Neil Diamond
14.) "Angel", Sarah McLachlan...(btw if you never knew what the song was actually about...It's about the Smashing Pumpkins touring keyboard player Jonathan Melvoin, who overdosed on heroin and died in 1996....and also designed to turn you into a blubbering, sobbing fool when it plays underneath those 'save-the-animals' commercials)
15.) "Don't Worry, Be Happy", Bobby McFerrin
16.) Anything by The Vienna Boys' Choir
17.) "Short People", Randy Newman
18.) "La La", Ashlee Simpson
19.) Anything by "Weird Al" Yankovic
20.) "Love Song", Sara Bareilles
You can find the complete list at XOJane.com.)
Some other highlights include: "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba at #23..."Barbie Girl" by Aqua at #31..."Where Is the Love?" by the Black Eyed Peas at #35...and,"Anything by the cast of 'Glee'" at #47.
DON'T COMPARE NICKI AND GAGA
In an interview with "Nightline", NICKI MINAJ admitted that she isn't thrilled to be compared to LADY GAGA...even though she DOES seem similar to Gaga.
When asked if the comparisons offended her, Nicki said, "Offends me, no...irks me, yes. We are in completely different lanes. First of all, I'm a rapper. I'm from southside Jamaica, Queens."
But Gaga is also from New York City...so that doesn't really fly.
The interviewer, Juju Chang, then suggested a few things that seemed to link Nicki and Gaga, like wigs and over-the-top costumes...but Nicki shot her down.
She said, "Wigs? Every female in this game, every female in this game, wears wigs...over-the-top costumes? Eh. Try again!"
But Nicki doesn't have anything against Lady Gaga. She said, "Gaga's a fantastic artist, you know, she paved her way. She's opened her own lane. But I think that I have my own lane, and we never cross. Ever.
"So, you know, I really don't get the comparison anymore. Our music doesn't sound the same. Our stage presence is not the same. I just can't see the similarities."
DON'T GO FOR THE UN-PERFECT GUY...
Who IS the perfect guy? This will make you feel inadequate at life. A clothing company called Austin Reed surveyed 2,000 women to figure out the qualities that make up the "PERFECT MAN." See how many of these 26 criteria you meet...
Physical.
Six feet tall. (nope) Muscularly toned and athletic. (LOL!) Brown eyes. (the blue are sexier. wanna see?) Short dark hair. (win!) Clean shaven. (some days) Good fashion sense (sometimes), but gets ready in 17 minutes or less. Wears jeans (fo sho) and a v-neck sweater (what? no).
Habits.
Non-smoker (yep). Prefers beer over wine or cocktails (absolutely). Admits when he looks at other women (I can admit that, sure). Eats meat (duh).
Education, Career, Money.
College degree. Earns more than you...approximately $76,000-a-year. Drives an Audi.
(what?)
Hobbies.
Loves shopping (NO STRAIGHT GUY "loves" shopping! Unless it is at Best Buy, Home Depot/Lowe's or Fishers/Acme/Giant Eagle). Watches football (Go BROWNS). Can swim (LOL) and ride a bike (weeeee). Knows how to change a tire (but will bitch about it the whole time). Has a driver's license (I would hope!). Likes dramas and reality shows (nearly-no straight guy loves reality shows).
Other Emotional Stuff.
Calls his mom twice a week (once should be fine). Says "I love you" only when he means it (right). Is sensitive when you're upset. Has a good sense of humor. Wants a family.
DON'T DIET
Good news, ladies. If you've always wanted to be a size six, don't waste your time dieting or working out like a sucker. If you stay gorgeous and chubby long enough, size six will come to YOU.
According to a new study out of England, the definition of women's sizes keeps changing.
The study found a woman who was a U.S. size 12 in 1975 is a size 8 now. And that shift has happened across all sizes...so a size 18 in 1975 is a size 14 now, and so on.
There's some level of "vanity sizing" involved...people want to believe they're smaller sizes, and that makes them more likely to buy the clothes.
But...human beings are also getting LARGER. So the sizes are adjusting what it means to be small, medium, and large. The average hip size has gone up THREE INCHES in the past 40 years.
DON'T HESITATE TO SHOW SOME LEG:
I'm a fan of sexy, beautiful legs on a woman. Weakness for sure. A British study found that women show the most leg at age 23, then their skirts get longer. But they start showing more leg again at age 40. Here's a timeline of the average woman's skirt length:
Teenagers: From age 14 until age 16, girls wear skirts that are 18 inches long on average. By their late teens, it drops to 14 inches.
Twenties: Women show more and more leg until age 23, when their skirts are just 12 and a half inches long. But skirts get two inches longer in their mid-20s, as they get serious boyfriends. Then they show a little more leg at age 28, when it's time to land a husband.
Thirties and beyond: Women show less leg in their 30s, but go BACK to 14-inch skirts once they reach 40. By 49, their skirts are back below their knees...and when they're in their 60s, their skirts are more than 30 inches long (as they probably should be)
DON'T GO HYBRID
You'll just come back! And the majority of people do. A new study found only 35% of hybrid owners buy another one. That drops to 25% when you take out Prius drivers. Everyone else goes back to traditional gas-guzzling cars.
Last year, hybrids only made up 2.4% of the new car market. That's down from the peak of 2.9% in 2008.
DON'T FORGET THE PORN
In case you're wondering, yep, the Internet is still nothing but porno. According to a new study, 30% of all web traffic is porno-related.
BACHELORS, DON'T EAT THESE
Obviously, you shouldn't survive on frozen dinners alone, because most of them are bad for you. But it's okay every now and then if you don't have time to cook...or if you are single. As long as you don't eat any of the stuff on THIS list.
Here are the seven unhealthiest frozen dinners you can buy.
#1.) The Hot Pockets Calzone with Pepperoni. Here's a good rule of thumb: The more ingredients something has, the worse it is for you. And the Hot Pockets Calzone has over a HUNDRED ingredients.
#2.) Kashi's Sweet and Sour Chicken. Most Kashi products are fairly healthy. But this one is LOADED with sugar. One serving has 25 grams of it...which is the same as two DONUTS. I say have the donuts! DONUTS FTW!!!
#3.) Banquet's Boneless Pork Ribs. The first red flag should be the way it's described on the box. They call it a "shaped patty meal."
Then if you look at the ingredients, you'll find out it contains all kinds of junk...including MSG.
Another Banquet brand product made the list: Their Mexican Style Enchilada Combo Meal also has a ton of MSG in it. And even though it LOOKS like you're eating beef...it's mostly just meat-flavored soy.
#4.) Boston Market's Chicken Pot Pie. The kind they sell frozen at the grocery store has 780 calories and 48 grams of fat. Just to put that in context, a Big Mac has 260 calories and 29 grams of fat.
#5.) Totino's Party Pizza with Hamburger. One serving has 5 grams of trans fat, which raises your "bad" cholesterol and lowers you "good" cholesterol.
A better choice is the Pepperoni French Bread Pizza from Healthy Choice, which has 75% less fat, and NO trans fat.
#6.) Bourbon Steak Strips from Hungry Man. It has 9 grams of saturated fat, and 72% of the salt you should get in a day.
#7.) Buitoni's Four Cheese Spinach Ravioli. If you only eat one serving, it's not that bad. The problem is, it has two servings per box...and the box is about the same size as a normal SINGLE-serving frozen dinner.
If you eat BOTH servings...which a lot of people do...you end up getting 42 grams of fat, two-thirds of the cholesterol you're supposed to get in a day, and 78% of the salt.
DON'T DO THAT TO ADAM!
But, since you did...I know MANY ladies who will step in to comfort him.
When ADAM LEVINE and his girlfriend ANNE VYALITSYNA broke up, she released a statement saying, "Adam and I have decided to separate in an amicable and supportive manner. We still love and respect each other as friends."
That made the split sound mutual. But that may not have been the case.
A source says Adam was BLINDSIDED by the announcement..."Adam's heartbroken. He wasn't even fully sure they were really broken up."
The source added that Anne made the surprise announcement because, "she didn't want it to look like he broke up with her."
But another source says it was inevitable...because Adam didn't pay Anne enough attention, and even though they'd been together two years, he wasn't ready to get married (of course he wasn't. 350,000 women wanna sleep with him)
DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA STAY THIS WAY
KATY PERRY'S last album "Teenage Dream" may have inspired bright, colorful images of candy, flowers and happy stuff like that. Getting into her skin-tight jeans. Oh yes. But her next album is going to be completely different.
She told Britain's "Sun" tabloid that her music, "is about to get real [effing] dark." (???)
If she's SERIOUS about that, her music could address her failed marriage to RUSSELL BRAND. I'd like to point our how UNSUCCESSFUL KELLY CLARKSON and RIHANNA were with that.
When asked about him, she said, "I'd like to use a time machine and go back to a specific date, please."
Meanwhile, Katy is taking some heat for telling "Teen Vogue", quote, "I'm tired of being famous already. But I'm not tired of creating." (Obviously, that sounds like she wants all the positives of being a celebrity, without all the negatives.)
SHARON OSBOURNE ripped her for the comment, saying "What are you doing you silly little girl? You wanted it, you got it, now shut up!"
But Katy says she didn't mean it that way.
She Tweeted, "Oh, the joy of something verbally said being taking out of complete context in PRINT...the fame quote was spoken in jest, which is typical of me...I could not be more grateful for [my success and my fans]."
DON'T EXPECT TO SEE TOO MUCH T SWEEZY
TAYLOR SWIFT'S acting career is just getting started. She's done a guest spot on "CSI", had a small part in "Valentine's Day", and did voice work for "The Lorax". But that doesn't mean she's going to be showing up in one silly movie after another.
Taylor says, "When I look at acting careers that I really admire, I see that it's been a precise decision-making process for these people. They make decisions based on what they love and they do only the things that they are passionate about.
"They play only characters that they can’t stop thinking about."
Taylor's also concerned with only picking what she feels are quality scripts. She says, "I'm such a fan of great writing and great storytelling.
"I'm looking for great, powerful writing behind whatever cast is surrounding it, whatever director is steering it...that would all be peripheral to the fact that the story is brilliant and has to be told."
While we're on the subject of Taylor: You may remember that First Lady MICHELLE OBAMA gave her that Big Help Award at the "Kids' Choice Awards". Well, Taylor's still buzzing about that.
She says, "I've never gotten to meet her before and I'd always just been really nervous about meeting her 'cause I'm such a big fan and she's such a role model. And she was so cool! She was so cool and she was so nice, and I met her daughters!"
DON'T WORRY, I STILL THINK INSTAGRAM IS STUPID
Last Monday, Facebook announced it was buying Instagram for $1 BILLION...that's the smartphone app where you make photos look old. It's stupid. And we heard the founder and CEO of Instagram stood to make $400 MILLION.
But all of the OTHER employees are going to make big money too. The company only had 11 people...and they'll split around $100 MILLION between them, based on their levels of equity.
So ALL of them will be multimillionaires...even a software designer named Maykel Loomans, who just started working there THREE WEEKS AGO.
Like almost all startups, he traded a lower salary for a stake in the company. So even after less than a MONTH of work, he's going to become a multimillionaire.
Right place, right time, MASSIVE amount of luck.
DON'T EAT!!!
We talked about this Friday night, got lots of good calls from you guys with the dangerous stuff YOU do behind the wheel.
Believe it or not, a new study found EATING while driving is more dangerous than all of the other things we THINK are more dangerous.
The study found people who ate while they were driving had 44% slower reaction times than normal.
Texting caused 37.4% slower reactions. Having a phone conversation with a hands-free set caused 26.5% slower reactions. And finally, driving at the legal alcohol limit of .08 caused 12.5% slower reactions.
That's not to say drunk driving is safe...it's more that the others are also really dangerous. Especially eating, apparently.
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