Monday, February 20, 2012

Imma Make Y'all Dance

...maybe? I don't know. HEY! It's Monday. Here's some shtuff..

SIMON COWELL has an interesting idea: A face-off between all of the winners of the various singing competition shows.

He Tweeted, "Maybe the winner of 'X Factor' this year should compete with winner of 'The Voice' and 'American Idol' in a super final. Just a thought. I'd be up for it." Simon added, "I love the rivalry between all the music shows."

There's no response from the people behind "The Voice"...but "Idol" producer NIGEL LYTHGOE has weighed in, and he doesn't think it'd be much of a challenge.

He Tweeted, "The problem is the 'Idol' winner will be a star by then." OK, I couldn't tell you the last person to win Idol. I'm thinking about it and I really have no idea. Was it that Lee Dewyze guy? And he's sure NOT a star. The last person to achieve stardom from that show...probably Adam Lambert? And he didn't even win it!

LINDSAY LOHAN will host the March 3rd episode of "Saturday Night Live". This is going to be her fourth time on "SNL". She previously hosted in 2004, 2005 and 2006.

Lindsay's life has been a little rocky in the six years since then, so it'll be interesting to see how much she's willing to poke fun at herself. And there's a good chance she'll be game for whatever.

Over the past three years, Lindsay has mocked the insanity in her life on, at the "MTV VMAs", and on "Jimmy Kimmel Live".

Sad news to report to those of you who love your ladies with a delectable candy coating: There is more than likely NOT an ADELE sex tape.

She's got her lawyers denying the existence of any such tape and threatening to go after the French magazine that started the story.

They say any allegations of a sex tape are, quote, "untrue and grossly defamatory [and] 100% false."

Speaking of Adele and bodily fluids...
Adele says if she ever sees her dad again, she'll SPIT IN HIS FACE.

She's mad at him because he sold a story to a British tabloid in which he talks about Adele and his split from her mother.

She says, "I was actually ready to start trying to have a relationship with him. [But] he's [effing] blown it.

"It makes me angry! To come back after 10 years and be like, 'Maybe her problem with men comes down to me.' It's like, '[Eff] off! How dare you comment on my life?'

"It makes my blood boil. If I ever see him I will spit in his face."

Haven't heard anything out of LUDACRIS for a minute. I have an urge to crank some SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY now!

Well LUDA is starring in a movie called "Parking Lot Pimpin'". He's playing "a young man who, following a nasty break-up, teams up with his slick buddy for a night on the town...[where he learns] the art of 'parking lot pimping.'"

JALEEL WHITE...a.k.a. Urkel from "Family Matters" co-writing it.

"Parking lot pimping", for my white friends, is basically putting on your game to hook up with someone...AFTER the clubs the parking lot. For a more complete definition, hit up

You'd probably be FREAKED OUT if you could see the data that different stores have on you. Pretty much ALL of them keep track. Know those Acme and Fishers cards, and all the other ones dangling from your keys? LORD only knows what SHEETZ has one me!!
And Target takes it even further.

Target doesn't just keep track of what you buy...they analyze your purchases to figure out what's going on in your life. And HERE'S a look at just how good they are...

According to an executive, a guy once STORMED into a Target outside of Minneapolis holding a bunch of coupons for baby items that were sent to his teenage daughter.

He yelled at the manager, "My daughter got this in the mail! She's still in high school...are you trying to encourage her to get pregnant?"

But Target's analysis was right...the man ended up calling a few days later to apologize because it turned out his daughter WAS pregnant and just hadn't told him yet. (!!)

A website you've never heard of called has put together a list of the Top 13 '90s Teen Starlets Who Stayed Hot. Here they are...

#1.) Jennifer Love Hewitt
#2.) Jessica Alba
#3.) Tiffani Thiessen
#4.) Britney Spears
#5.) Alicia Silverstone
#6.) Christina Applegate
#7.) The Spice Girls
#8.) Sarah Michelle Gellar
#9.) Christina Ricci
#10.) Melissa Joan Hart
#11.) Alyson Hannigan
#12.) Elizabeth Berkley
#13.) Monica Keena

Pics and commentary? here:

Chick-fil-A isn't just crack for Southerners or radio personalities anymore. It's crack for EVERYONE now. In a new study of more than 107,000 fast food customers, Chick-fil-A was rated the most loved chain in the country.

Panera Bread was second and Chipotle was third. McDonald's, Subway, Wendy's, and Burger King didn't crack the top 10

OPRAH'S cable network OWN is now over a year old, and apparently the ratings haven't lived up to her expectations because she's literally BEGGING for viewers.

And not just any viewers...she wants the PEOPLE WHO COUNT to tune in.

On Sunday, Oprah Tweeted, "Everyone who can please turn to OWN especially if you have a Nielsen box." (That's a device to measure TV watching habits)

There are two things wrong with Oprah's Tweet:
First off, it violates Nielsen's policy. In fact, Oprah later deleted it "at the request of Nielsen." She says, "I intended no harm and apologize for the reference."

But more importantly, it's pretty sad that Oprah has resorted to soliciting people on Twitter. This is a woman who never had any problems drawing an audience, and now she's begging for attention on Twitter!

In what seems like the biggest musical break-up since *NSYNC dis-banded...SELENA GOMEZ has announced that she's cutting off THE SCENE.

SELENA GOMEZ & THE SCENE have released three albums over the past three years. The last one "When the Sun Goes Down" came out last June. (Wow. That title sure seems a little prophetic in retrospect.)

In a post on Facebook, Selena explained, "My band and I are going our separate ways for a while. This year is all about films and acting and I want my band to play music wherever with whoever.

GREEN DAY singer BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG has announced that the band is working on a new album...their first since "21st Century Breakdown" in 2009.

He Tweeted, "Happy Valentine's Day! Officially started recording the new record today. It's [EFF] TIME!!!!"

Supposedly, "It's [Eff] Time" is something the cast of the Green Day musical "American Idiot" chants before each show, to get pumped up.

And Billie Joe's side project the FOXBORO HOT TUBS have a song called "It's [Eff] Time" in honor of that tradition, but they've only played it live. It hasn't been released.

KE$HA says she loves to host group, nude body-painting parties.

She tells "Glamour" magazine, "Sometimes I have parties at my house in Nashville and it's clothing-optional, and we just body-paint each other and run around, and I have a giant bed. I'm very much in touch with that side of myself."

Despite the fact that Kesha mentioned her "giant bed"...which was totally unnecessary...she doesn't want you to get the impression that these are SEX parties.

She says, "It's not a weird sex orgy thing. You can wear a bathing suit!"

So, WHY is Kesha telling us this?

She says, "I'm coming out with my own line [of body paints]."

The average movie ticket cost $7.93 last year, which might not sound like a lot, but it's the highest price ever.

And over half of us are going to fewer movies because of the cost.
62% of people cut costs by going to matinees,
38% sneak in their own food and drinks
6% save money by sneaking into other movies when theirs ends. (good idea?)

CLINT EASTWOOD isn't going to like this. J.D. Power and Associates just released their annual survey on the most dependable vehicles...and Chrysler came in DEAD LAST.

In Chrysler's defense, Land Rover usually comes in last, but they weren't included this year because of an insufficient sample size in the study.

Dodge was second-least dependable...Jeep is third...Dodge Ram is fourth...and Jaguar is fifth.

At the other end of the spectrum, Lexus was named the most reliable vehicle. Porsche was second, Cadillac was third, Toyota was fourth, and Scion was fifth.

Facebook's internal content guideline was leaked Friday...that's what they use to figure out which posts aren't appropriate and should be deleted. Here are 10 highlights of what they will and won't censor.

#1.) Foreplay like kissing and GROPING will NOT be censored. Even, quote, "for same-sex individuals." But actual sexual activity WILL be censored, obviously.

#2.) Photos that show a side-by-side comparison between a person and an animal WILL be censored.

#3.) Photoshopped images MIGHT be censored. If the Photoshopping portrays the person in a negative light, the photo will be removed. But if the Photoshopping portrays the person in a positive or neutral way, the photo can stay.

#4.) Images of drunk or unconscious people with stuff drawn on their face WILL be censored. Which is a surprise, because I see these all the time.

#5.) Graphic photos of dead animals WILL be censored. Unless the photos are in the context of food prep or, quote, "hunting as it occurs in nature," like a lion eating a zebra or something.

#6.) Works of art showing nudity WILL NOT be censored. But cartoon nudity will be removed.

#7.) Adult love toys MIGHT be censored. If they're in the context of sexual activity, they're gone. If you're just, like, holding a vibrating toy, you're clear.

#8.) Bodily fluids WILL NOT be censored. Vomit, snot, earwax, and anything in the toilet are all probably clear. But not if you post a photo of someone in the act of actually releasing bodily fluids. (And obviously, not MAN-SEED.)

#9.) Photos of poaching endangered animals WILL be censored, and will be reported.

#10.) And finally, photos of, quote, "blatant depiction of camel toes and moose knuckles" WILL be censored.

Here's some GOOD NEWS: The American auto industry is BACK.

All three auto companies are profitable, and last year, GM posted its biggest profit ever. GM made $7.6 BILLION in profit last year...that's up 62% from 2010...and that means every union worker will get a $7,000 profit sharing check.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Rihanna & Chris Brown police report

“Brown was driving a vehicle with Robyn F. as the front passenger on an unknown street in Los Angeles. Robyn F. picked up Brown’s cellular phone and observed a three-page text message from a woman who Brown had a previous sexual relationship with.

“A verbal argument ensued and Brown pulled the vehicle over on an unknown street, reached over Robyn F. with his right hand, opened the car door and attempted to force her out. Brown was unable to force Robyn F. out of the vehicle because she was wearing a seat belt. When he could not force her to exit, he took his right hand and shoved her head against he passenger window of the vehicle, causing an approximate one-inch raised circular contusion.

“Robyn F. turned to face Brown and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then drove away in the vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand. The assault caused Robyn F.’s mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle.

“Brown looked at Robyn F. and stated, ‘I’m going to beat the sh– out of you when we get home! You wait and see!’

” The detective said “Robyn F.” then used her cell phone to call her personal assistant Jennifer Rosales, who did not answer.

“Robyn F. pretended to talk to her and stated, ‘I’m on my way home. Make sure the police are there when I get there.’ After Robyn F. faked the call, Brown looked at her and stated, ‘You just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I’m really going to kill you!’

“Brown resumed punching Robyn F. and she interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face. She then bent over at the waist, placing her elbows and face near her lap in [an] attempt to protect her face and head from the barrage of punches being levied upon her by Brown.

“Brown continued to punch Robyn F. on her left arm and hand, causing her to suffer a contusion on her left triceps (sic) that was approximately two inches in diameter and numerous contusions on her left hand.

“Robyn F. then attempted to send a text message to her other personal assistant, Melissa Ford. Brown snatched the cellular telephone out of her hand and threw it out of the window onto an unknown street.

“Brown continued driving and Robyn F. observed his cellular telephone sitting in his lap. She picked up the cellular telephone with her left hand and before she could make a call he placed her in a head lock with his right hand and continued to drive the vehicle with his left hand.

“Brown pulled Robyn F. close to him and bit her on her left ear. She was able to feel the vehicle swerving from right to left as Brown sped away. He stopped the vehicle in front of 333 North June Street and Robyn F. turned off the car, removed the key from the ignition and sat on it.

“Brown did not know what she did with the key and began punching her in the face and arms. He then placed her in a head lock positioning the front of her throat between his bicep and forearm. Brown began applying pressure to Robyn F.’s left and right carotid arteries, causing her to be unable to breathe and she began to lose consciousness.

“She reached up with her left hand and began attempting to gouge his eyes in an attempt to free herself. Brown bit her left ring and middle fingers and then released her. While Brown continued to punch her, she turned around and placed her back against the passenger door. She brought her knees to her chest, placed her feet against Brown’s body and began pushing him away. Brown continued to punch her on the legs and feet, causing several contusions.

“Robyn F. began screaming for help and Brown exited the vehicle and walked away. A resident in the neighborhood heard Robyn F.’s plea for help and called 911, causing a police response. An investigation was conducted and Robyn F. was issued a Domestic Violence Emergency Protective Order.”

Saturday, February 11, 2012


I just want you to's 7:05 AM and I COULD be sleeping right now! But no, I'm up to type this for YOU. So you better love it and enjoy it. Give it a hug even.
Don't kiss it, you have morning breath.

A while back, WIZ KHALIFA said that his next album will be titled "O.N.I.F.C."...and now, he's explaining what it stands for.

He says, "It's [an acronym for] the Only [N-Word] In First Class. It's inspired by Prodigy's 'H.N.I.C.'. When he dropped that, I felt like that sounded so strong."

He adds, "I was just talking about me being a young rich dude and being black. It looks crazy to them when I walk up to them and show them my ticket or I'm going in priority seating...they're like 'You're sure?'

"It's a good feeling...and then it's like a bad feeling because it's like: 'Damn, why do you feel like that about me?'"

Wiz also has a CLEAN version of his album title, in which "O.N.I.F.C." stands for "One Night In First Class." The album doesn't have a release date yet.

One of the new contestants on "The Voice" ...used to star on "The Mickey Mouse Club" with coach CHRISTINA AGUILERA. His name is TONY LUCCA. He chose ADAM LEVINE to be his coach from Sunday night's season premiere.

Christina supposedly didn't recognize him at first. But after he'd made his choice she went looking for him and introduced herself to his family backstage.

Thanks to Corina for letting me use her 1992 hit...

If you can't fight the constant urge to check what's happening on Facebook or Twitter every waking moment of your miserable existence, you're not alone.

Researchers at the University of Chicago found that it's harder to resist the urge to check Facebook, Twitter, and email on your cell phone than it is for smokers and drinkers to resist cigarettes and alcohol.

The researchers gave BlackBerries to volunteers of all ages and told them to carry them throughout their normal day. Surprisingly, no one SMASHED their Blackberry!

Then they sent the volunteers messages at various points throughout the day asking if they had been tempted to check their Facebook, Twitter, or email messages in the last half hour.

Volunteers said they had a desire to check their messages 75% of the time. I'm just thinkin' here, wouldn't TELLING SOMEONE they should check one of these things...MAKE THEM WANNA DO IT?!

Based on previous studies, smokers and drinkers did a better job at fighting off their urges than the volunteers did with social media. The only urges harder to resist were urges to sleep and have sex.

Well good. At least we have our priorities down, LOL

Set a new record. It was the most-watched TV program EVER. The previous record-holder was LAST year's game. Prior to that, it was the series finale of M.A.S.H. in 1983.

I love her. For real. Who this week said, "I destroy men on a weekly basis. It's like a hobby. I'm like a praying mantis. They [eff] me, and then I eat them."

She adds that when she's feeling down, she makes her assistant put on a PENIS COSTUME and dance for her. She says, "Who isn't amused by a giant, dancing penis?"

There's more sex going on in your office than you realize. So you might want to try getting in on that.

#1.) 11% of people, or one out of every nine of your coworkers, admit they've had sex in the workplace at least once.

#2.) 7% of people actually have sex at the office REGULARLY.

#3.) The most popular place for office sex is on your desk. A meeting room is second, and the parking garage is third.

#4.) The least popular places for office sex are in a bathroom stall or on your boss's desk.

#5.) 95% of office sex happens after hours...but that DOES mean that 5%, or one in 20 office sex sessions, happen ON THE CLOCK.

If you're planning to give someone roses for Valentine's Day, you should really know what SECRET MESSAGE you're sending with them. That's right. The number of roses you give apparently carries a meaning you never realized. Here's a guide...

One rose is meant for early in a relationship, and means love at first sight.

Three roses represents a shared love, and should be a one-month anniversary gift.

Six roses symbolizes passion and infatuation.

Ten roses says you believe your love is PERFECT.

Twelve roses is perfect for Valentine's Day, and means "be mine."

Thirteen roses means you just want to be friends. (???)

Fifteen roses means you're SORRY.

Twenty-four roses is like SHOUTING "I'm yours." (Or it's really un-creative)

And forty roses means your love is truly genuine. And also you have a lot of money.

...who the HELL buys someone 40 roses?! That's just stupid! Besides, everything after 6 supposedly means the same thing, more or less.

Notice how your posts on Facebook always get likes and comments, even though YOU never like or comment on other people's posts?

That doesn't mean you're selfish, it means you're average.
A new study found the average Facebook user gets more likes, messages, and comments than they leave.

That's possible thanks to Facebook power-users who basically like and comment on EVERYTHING.

"Wedding Crashers" co-stars OWEN WILSON and VINCE VAUGHN are teaming up again for a comedy called "Interns".

They'll play two guys who get laid off from their company and decide to become interns at a Google-type dotcom company...where they find themselves competing against much younger employees for advancement.

One of FLO RIDA'S former assistants has filed a lawsuit against him. She claims he only paid her $3.08-an-hour for a 65-hour work week...and when she complained, he fired her.

Flo Rida has a different story though. His lawyers say she was never "hired"...instead, she was an unpaid intern, who was begging to work for him to get her foot in the door.

Flo helped her out every now and then with lunch and gas money...and now he wishes he hadn't. He says, "I gave someone an opportunity out of the goodness of my heart and now sadly I am being falsely targeted."

....well, yeah! These women have apparently seen me naked.

According to a new survey of married women by iVillage, almost ALL women say that sharing your loving feelings or giving her compliments are MUCH, MUCH bigger turn-ons than getting naked in front of her.

The survey also found...
80% of married women say they were in the mood to have sex at least once in the past month.

22% have sexted their husbands, 9% have had phone sex with him, 16% have watched porno with him, and 6% have had a threesome with him.

And 33% say they'd rather have sex with their husband than watch a movie, go to a spa, check Facebook, or talk to friends.

According to a survey of women ages 30 to 49, only 5%...that's one in 20...want sex MORE than an actual gift this Valentine's Day.

72% say they most want a day off housework. 14% want a special plan for dinner, and 9% want a material gift.

A separate study also found that, whatever you do for Valentine's Day, you should also include a HANDWRITTEN NOTE. 60% of both genders said that's a more romantic gesture than an expensive dinner.

I thought it was pretty much a rule of thumb that you don't do a FIRST DATE on Valentine's Day. You're virtually GUARANTEEING awkwardness, unnecessary pressure, and premature discussions about feelings and the future.

Well, apparently, the vast majority of single people today don't care about any of that. They just really, really want to go on dates whenever they can get 'em.

A new survey found that 83% of single people would be open to going on a first date on Valentine's Day.

AND...70% say they'd be willing to take it a step further and be set up on a BLIND DATE on Valentine's Day.

ADELE will perform for the first time in four months this Sunday at the Grammys...after having vocal cord surgery in November.

In a "60 Minutes" interview with ANDERSON COOPER, which airs before the Grammys, Adele talks about the moment she realized something was wrong.

She says, "It felt like someone put a curtain over my throat. It felt like something popped in my throat."

Adele had it checked out...and the doctors discovered a polyp on her vocal cord that had hemorrhaged. She says, "I had laser surgery...

"[They] put lasers down your throat, cut off the polyp, and kind of laser your hemorrhage back together and fix it."

Adele has been cleared to perform at the Grammys...and at the Brit Awards later this month...but she doesn't want to push it yet. She says, "If I decide to go on a 200-date world tour, it would happen again."

Meanwhile, in an interview with "People" magazine, Adele comments on the Internet's relentless fascination with her weight. She says, "I've never wanted to look like models on the cover of magazines.

"I represent the majority of women and I'm very proud of that."

A survey by asked single people what their biggest deal-breakers are on a date. Here are the top five things that will get you dumped.

#1.) Poor hygiene: 84% of people said that body odor, bad teeth or dirty hair would be a deal-breaker.

#2.) Using your cell phone too much: 75%.

#3.) Being rude to a server or hostess: 73%.

#4.) Talking too much about your ex: 70%.

#5.) Flirting with the server or host/hostess: 61%.

Well....yeah. HAHA!

Women were more likely than men to consider every bad behavior a deal-breaker, except for a date being too expensive, which one in three men said was a deal-breaker.

This is from a British survey, but I REALLY hope it applies over here too.

43% of women say that they carry an extra pair of panties in their case a date goes well, and they want to look sexier later.

As for why the women don't just WEAR the sexy underwear to begin's supposedly because LESS sexy underwear is more comfortable, and shapes your body better.

And this is apparently something women are determined to keep men from finding out about. 60% of women said they'd NEVER admit it to a man, even if they were in a long-term relationship.

Of course, if a guy is looking at a woman in her panties, he's probably got other things on his mind...and 40% of men said they wouldn't care if she had comfortable underwear on instead of sexy ones. (I'd agree with that)

Valentine's Day falls on a Tuesday this year, which means it might be harder to find time for Valentine's Day SEX. So here's's list of the top eight places to have a quickie.

We're not suggesting you to do anything ILLEGAL. But if you WANT to, here's where to do it.

#1.) An Elevator. Unless you're REALLY quick, you won't have enough time between floors. So you have to stall the elevator completely.

Just make sure you don't trigger an alarm, or the fire department might hear you through the speaker.

The other thing to worry about is whether there's a security camera in the elevator...and whether there's a security guard watching you or not.

#2.) A Movie Theater. You have to be quiet and sit in the back, but it's definitely doable. Just don't try it at a movie that's PACKED.

You're better off in a theater that's somewhere between empty and half-full. So skip the most popular movies like "Chronicle" and "The Woman in Black", and go see "The Artist" instead.

#3.) The Back of a Club or a Restaurant. Wherever you are, it just has to be dark and noisy. If it's not, the bathroom is a safer alternative. Especially if you can lock the door.

#4.) A Stairwell. Pick one that doesn't get much traffic. We're all pretty lazy these days, but some people DO still take the stairs if they're only going a floor or two. Just remember, higher floors equal lower risk.

#5.) The Car. It's kind of the old standard when it comes to quickies. But if you've never tried it...or haven't tried it since high can be pretty memorable.

Just make sure you pick a spot where you won't be caught. At night, cops tend to notice idling cars in places like public parks. Not that I would know. I'm just...guessing. Yeah. So choose carefully.

#6.) An Alley. Obviously not a FILTHY alley. But even a clean alley is pretty gross. So this one definitely requires you both to be standing up.

#7.) A Dressing Room. Some Victoria's Secret...won't let guys go in the dressing rooms, even if it's with their wife. But as long as you're quiet, most dressing rooms are somewhat safe.

Even if you DO get caught, the salesperson won't just walk in on you. But if they know what's up, you might still get in trouble. So make sure you're completely quiet.

#8.) Your Workplace. This is without a doubt the riskiest spot on the list