SOCKS (this has nothing to do with socks)

...unless you count me wearing some right now.

WORST CELL PROVIDERS:
"Consumer Reports" just released the results of their annual survey on cell phone service providers, and for the second year in a row, AT&T took its rightful spot in LAST PLACE.

But there's a difference. One year ago, they were the only ones with the iPhone. Now Verizon and Sprint both have it. So this time around, their bad rating COULD cost them customers who stuck with their bad service for the sake of the iPhone.

Verizon got the highest customer satisfaction ratings, just ahead of Sprint. T-Mobile was in third place...but significantly above AT&T.











ROCKIN' HO HO HO
"Rolling Stone" has put together a list of The Greatest Rock 'N' Roll Christmas Songs. There are 16 of them...but not all of them are "rock 'n' roll." In fact I would say, most are not.

Here's the list, which doesn't appear to be in any particular order:

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)", Darlene Love (1963)
"Happy Xmas (War Is Over)", John Lennon (1971)
"Santa Claus Is Coming to Town", Bruce Springsteen (1985)
"All I Want For Christmas Is You", Mariah Carey (1994)
"Little Saint Nick", The Beach Boys (1963)
"Run Rudolph Run", Chuck Berry (1958)
"The Chanukah Song", Adam Sandler (1994)
"Frosty the Snowman", The Ronettes (1963)
"Do They Know It's Christmas?", Band Aid (1984)
"Wonderful Christmastime", Paul McCartney (1979)
"Jingle Bell Rock", Bobby Helms (1957)
"The Night Santa Went Crazy", "Weird Al" Yankovic (1996)
"Christmastime for the Jews", Darlene Love (2005)
"Christmas in Hollis", Run-D.M.C (1987)
"Christmas in Harlem", Kanye West (2010)
"The Christmas Waltz", She & Him (2011)









KEEPING UP WITH THE JONES
Every year, Jones Soda releases special limited-edition holiday flavors. And usually they have some RIDICULOUS and DISGUSTING-SOUNDING flavor, like green bean casserole or smoked salmon.

But this year, they're all pretty boring.

There's no awful-sounding flavor...nothing even close. The four flavors are Candy Cane, Pear Tree, Sugar Plum, and Gingerbread. All of those sound like they'll immediately cause diabetes, but not repulsion.

If you're interested, they sell a pack with one bottle of each flavor at JonesSoda.com for $8. And stores like Target generally carry the holiday flavors too.








SMELL YA LATER
Apparently, the way you smell is giving out more clues about you than you realized. And I don't mean that it's telling people you like Axe body spray, or that you don't like showering.

In a new study out of Poland, researchers found that people could accurately predict someone's major personality traits just by smelling them.

By smelling people's T-shirts, the participants in the study were able to predict whether other people were outgoing and extroverted, or neurotic and anxious. And they were particularly good at predicting those qualities in the opposite sex.

In other words, when you meet someone and start sizing them up as someone to date, your sense of smell is more involved than you realize.

I'm gonna try that next time. "Hi, I'm Rob. Can I SMELL you? Just..yeah, lemme.......ahhhhhhh yeah"








GIMME THE KEYS PLEASE
Usually when a cop pulls you over and you don't get a ticket, it's your lucky day. But that's assuming he doesn't steal your car and wreck it.

A 28-year-old police officer named Enrique Gonzalez pulled over a drunk driver in Newark, New Jersey back on November 15th. He was off-duty, but was still wearing his uniform.

And instead of giving the driver a ticket, Enrique told him to get out of his Ford F-450 pickup truck and sober up.

The unidentified driver says Enrique told him, "I'm not going to arrest you. I'm going to leave the keys in the tailpipe. Come back and get it when you're sober."

The driver left, but when he came back to get his truck, it was gone.

That's because Enrique STOLE the truck...drove it to his estranged wife's house in the nearby town of Garfield...and used it to RAM her 2011 Hyundai.

Internal affairs finally worked out the details of Enrique's arrest on Friday, and he's been charged with criminal mischief and receiving stolen property. His court date is December 15th.








TWITTER BEEF, FEATURING NICKELBACK
If you love NICKELBACK...and you're willing to admit it to yourself...would you mind tossing them a bone? They could really use some support.

After being bullied by the haters before performing at the halftime show of the Thanksgiving game between the Lions and the Packers...Nickelback is now taking shots from the Atlanta Braves pitching staff.

Relief pitcher PETER MOYLAN recently dissed the band after seeing a FOO FIGHTERS show. He Tweeted, "Note to @Nickelback: Please attend a @FooFighters concert. That's how it should be done Chad."

NICKELBACK responded with: Quote, "Foos are killer for sure. We're doing just fine too, thanks...? For you Pete, is watching Kimbrel better from the bench or on TV?"

That's CRAIG KIMBREL, who's also a Braves reliever. He was the National League Rookie of the Year, while Peter was injured and missed most of the season.

Since this is so random, this pseudo-beef could've been AWESOME. But unfortunately, it seems like it's over already.

The next day, Nickelback Tweeted, quote, "There is no beef [with] @PeterMoylan. We both took shots. We didn't take it seriously. To each their own. No harm meant, all the best to him."

And Peter responded, quote, "@Nickelback nothing like lighting a fire in the Twitter world! Where would we be without [smack] talking?

"For the record, watching Kimbrel deal is fantastic from anywhere."









50 CENT SAYS WEEZY IS "TURNING INTO 50 CENT"
50 CENT says LIL WAYNE is probably going to start getting some backlash at this point in his career...when he's trying to find NEW success, now that's he's already found initial success.

This is territory that 50 says he's very familiar with.

He tells "XXL" magazine, "[Lil Wayne] is turning into 50 Cent. He's going through that process of being successful, 'til people go, 'You know what? Get the [eff] outta here. We don't want you here no more.' Because you're successful.

"For me, the music is an artistic choice. I'll say, from the very beginning, that I can care less about a critic or how someone judges me for the actual music.

"People understand within hip-hop culture that I'm passionate about actually trying to do something different. I want to make a change in a different way. This is about me personally feeling like I wanna mean more after I'm dead, when I'm gone."









HEADLINE
"38% of People are Already Done With Their Christmas Shopping"
My response:
"Bahahahahahaha"







BIGGER N BETTER
Women are incredibly skilled at making guys think their packages are the PERFECT size. At some point, EVERY woman learns the catchphrase, "It's the perfect size for ME...if it were any bigger, it would be PAINFUL."

Lies. All lies.

Lawrence Barraclough is a sexuality expert, and he compiled data from several surveys to figure out what women are hoping for in a sexual partner's penis size.

He found that the average woman describes the "ideal" length to be 7.25 to 8.25 inches in length, and 6.25 to 6.5 inches in girth.

BUT...the average penis size is 5.5 to 6.3 inches in length, and 4.7 to 5.1 inches in girth. So most women's "ideal" size is longer and wider than what 98% of men are packing. Only 2% of men have junk that fits into that "ideal" range.

His research also found that basically NO women described a penis less than five inches long as satisfying. There was no max, though...there were women interested in lengths of 11 inches and up.

As for girth, no circumference smaller than 4.5 inches or bigger than 7.25 inches was considered satisfying.









THE 'YEAR END LISTS'...
And, it begins. The impending onslaught of "Best Music of the Year" lists has officially commenced...and this year, first blood goes to MTV.

MTV.com's "Bigger Than the Sound" column has released its 20 Best Albums of 2011 list...and top honors go to the indie pop band GIRLS for their album, "Father, Son, Holy Ghost".

As usual, this list is a blend of stuff you've never heard...alongside mainstream albums that you may or may not feel comfortable calling "the best music of the year."

Here's the list:
1.) "Father, Son, Holy Ghost", Girls
2.) "21", Adele
3.) "Take Care", Drake
4.) "David Comes to Life", [Effed] Up (A Canadian hardcore punk band.)
5.) "Skying", The Horrors
6.) "Let England Shake", PJ Harvey
7.) "Bon Iver", Bon Iver
8.) "Watch the Throne", Jay-Z and Kanye West
9.) "In the Mountain, in the Cloud", Portugal. The Man ...A band originally from Wasilla, Alaska...a.k.a. the home of SARAH PALIN.
10.) "Born This Way", Lady Gaga
11.) "Slave Ambient", The War on Drugs
12.) "Nostalgia, Ultra", Frank Ocean...He's in the hip-hop group Odd Future.
13.) "Helplessness Blues", Fleet Foxes
14.) "House of Balloons and Thursday", The Weeknd
15.) "Ceremonials", Florence and the Machine
16.) "El Camino", The Black Keys
17.) "How to Get to Heaven from Jacksonville, FL", Gospel Music ...That's a band name. It isn't actually gospel music, it's "post-punk." For the record, this is an example of how you can choose an extremely un-Google-friendly band name.
18.) "Talk That Talk", Rihanna
19.) "We're New Here", A collaborative album featuring old-school soul singer and poet Gil Scott-Heron, who just died this year, and Jamie XX of the British indie pop group The XX.
20.) "4", Beyoncé

You can find their write-ups on each of these albums at MTV.com.

From the comments under the story, the big snubs seem to be BRITNEY SPEARS' "Femme Fatale" and LIL WAYNE'S "Tha Carter 4". But wasn't the last project better for BOTH of those artists?








CAR VS. GIRLFRIEND

This survey comes from England...but since American men are CLEARLY manlier than British men, it's GOT to be true over here too.

According to the survey, the majority of men...just over 50%...say that they find it easier to maintain their CAR than their relationship.

Here are some other things the survey found...

10% say they sometimes find themselves more captivated by the curves on cars than the curves on their partner.

14% talk more about their cars than their partner. Only 3% of women admitted the same thing.

Spending money on a car makes the average guy THREE TIMES HAPPIER than spending money on his partner.

And finally, if they had to get rid of their car or end their relationship...8% would choose their CAR over their partner.









SNEAK IT IN
The holidays are a time to reunite with family, which makes certain things tricky: Try having intimate relations with your wife when you have relatives sleeping on an air mattress in the next room.

Thankfully, we have four ways you can sneak in some vacation sex with your spouse over the holidays...courtesy of the good people over at Astroglide sex lube.

#1.) Long showers: You get some privacy when you're in the bathroom, so take advantage of it. When your guests hear the water running, they won't know the two of you are in there together.

#2.) Set the alarm: If both of you wake up in the middle of the night while everyone else is asleep...or before everyone gets up...you should be able to cut loose. Just don't get too crazy, or you'll wake people up and defeat the purpose.

#3.) Take a nap: After preparing a big meal for everyone, you can announce that you need to lay down for awhile. And your spouse can find an excuse to check in on you.

#4.) Bribery: Offer to pay for a big family outing to go bowling or see a movie. Then come up with a reason that you and your spouse have to stay home.