WEEEEEEEEKEND UPDATE: JAN 16 & 17

WARMTH!!! Don't ya love it? I don't care if it's dreary as sh**, its WARM out. Shorts anyone? Show off the pasties? Sandles? Yes?


FERGIE AND JOSH HAVE RENEWED THEIR VOWELS...I MEAN VOWS...
FERGIE must not have bought that rumor last year that her husband, JOSH DUHAMEL, was cheating on her with a stripper.

Because Fergie and Josh celebrated their first wedding anniversary last Friday by renewing their vows. (Their actual anniversary was Sunday.)

Although maybe Fergie didn't have much of a choice. The ceremony was a SURPRISE from Josh...who took her by helicopter to Santa Barbara...where they re-swapped vows in front of a minister. There were no guests or witnesses.

A so-called "source" says Fergie was, quote, "crying and very emotional." The ceremony was followed by a private dinner at a fancy restaurant, then a helicopter ride back to Los Angeles.







UH...INTERESTING...(RE: RIHANNA'S NEW MAN)
Despite the pictures everyone in the world saw last week of RIHANNA and Dodgers outfielder MATT KEMP groping each other in Mexico, Matt's agent says his client is NOT dating Rihanna.

Here's his take...quote, "I think dating might be a stretch at this point. They are in Cabo, but past that they are just good friends, and I don't think we can label it as anything other than a friendship right now.

"Who knows what will develop past the friendship."

UH...If I'm not mistaken, what this guy is really saying is, "Matt isn't dating this chick...he's just hittin' that." That's not really an agent...that's a WINGMAN.








OFF THE MARKET...
If you're still stuck in 1999 and salivate over the picture of 'the boys' that's STILL on your wall, I have some very sad news for you now. AJ MCCLEAN of the BACKSTREET BOYS...is off the market! He proposed to his girlfriend last weekend.






T SWEEZY...GETTIN' IT DONE!
You probably won't be surprised when I tell you that TAYLOR SWIFT is now the top-selling digital artist in music history. That's in all genres. Taylor has now sold more than 24.3 million digital tracks.








SEXY TALK...
This study took place in the UK, but I have no reason to think the results would be any different here.
According to a new survey, the average man thinks about SEX 13 times a day. That works out to 4,745 times every year.

And nearly ONE in THREE guys say sex is the first thing they think about when they wake up in the morning.

Now on the other hand, the average woman's thoughts turn to sex just FIVE times a day...or 1,825 times a year. But get this...

Even though we're thinking about sex all the time, the average person only does it twice a week, or 104 times a year.

And while nearly THREE in FOUR guys say they're happy with the amount of sex they're having, just 58% of women are satisfied.

In other words, it seems guys think about sex more often, but women want to have it more often. HAVE MORE SEX, people!








2009 WORD OF THE YEAR: TWEET!
Last Friday, the American Dialect Society named "Tweet" its Word of the Year for 2009, and "Google" its Word of the Decade.

If you're wondering, past winners in the Word of the Year category have included:
"Not!" . . . as in "just kidding" (1992)
"Information superhighway" (1993)
The prefix "e" . . . as in "email" (1998)
"Y2K" (1999)
"Chad" . . . as in "hanging chad" (2000)
"Weapons of Mass Destruction" (2002)
"Metrosexual" (2003)
"Red state / Blue state" (2004)
"Subprime" (2007)
"Bailout" (2008)








HAMSTERS ARE ALCHEY'S...
It never ceases to amaze me all the ridiculous "academic" studies that somehow manage to get federal funding.

And...THIS ONE COMES FROM OHIO! The same college that many of you reading may attend now, or have in the past! A new study from Kent State University and the University of Tennessee has found that HAMSTERS like to get wasted on ALCOHOL. (???)

No, I'm not making this up. Researchers took three groups of hamsters...the first group was fed water, the second group was fed water laced with 10% alcohol, and the third group was fed water laced with 20% alcohol.

What they found is:
#1.) If given the choice between drinking water and water that's laced with alcohol, hamsters prefer the booze.
#2.) Hamsters drink more heavily after dark.
#3.) After drinking for several days, hamsters have a hard time telling what time of day it is. (Because most hamsters can tell time??? WHAT?!)
#4.) And overall, hamsters that drink alcohol are less active than hamsters that don't.

Any parents reading? THIS is what your kids are learning in Kent. AWESOME, isn't it?!







BABY JUST SAY YES?
The "National Enquirer" claims that TAYLOR LAUTNER plans to get TAYLOR SWIFT back by surprising her with, quote, "four dozen red roses, a diamond friendship ring and a romantic dinner date."

They say it was Taylor Swift who ended the relationship, so she could focus on her career.
That's the best he can come up with?
Gonna get SHOT DOWN, buddy!!!







THE LATE-NIGHT MESS...
Well the latest news...sounds like NBC is paying Conan to leave and his last show will be FRIDAY, Jan 22. Conan released a statement this week on WHY he won't move to 12:05 like NBC wanted. Here it is:
"People of Earth:

In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me.

For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky. That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over 'The Tonight Show' in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me.

I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future.

It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my 'Tonight Show' in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in primetime by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the 'Tonight Show' to 12:05 to accommodate 'The Jay Leno Show' at 11:35. For 60 years the 'Tonight Show' has aired immediately following the late local news.

I sincerely believe that delaying the 'Tonight Show' into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The 'Tonight Show' at 12:05 simply isn't the 'Tonight Show'.

Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the 'Late Night' show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it.

My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of 'The Tonight Show'. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction.

Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter. But with the 'Tonight Show', I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next.

My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.

Yours, Conan."








XXX-TINA!!!
I LOVE me some Xtina! She's got a new album coming out in a few short weeks, and is also starring in a movie, "BURLESQUE", which hits theaters later this year. Photogs caught this pic of Miss Aguilera earlier this week:








TWEET OF THE WEEK:
I don't Twitter, but someone passed along something JESSICA SIMPSON tweeted the other day, and I think it bears repeating:
"Dear elderly man at the gym: its hard 4 me 2 keep composure whilst punching at chipmunk speed when ur ball sack spills out of ur wind shorts."







RI-RI SAYS THERE WERE WARNING SIGNS...
In a new interview with "W" magazine, RIHANNA says there were warning signs that CHRIS BROWN might turn physically abusive.

She says, quote, "There were control issues, insecurity. When people are insecure they become very controlling and they can get very aggressive and in turn abusive. It doesn't have to be physical.

"Like they would say bad stuff to you to make you feel lesser than them just so they would have control in the relationship. It takes a big toll on your emotions and on your everyday life. It changes you."

She also admits she got stir crazy trying to seclude herself after he assaulted her...quote, "I started to go crazy after about a month in the house, so I went back to work, and the mic was my therapist.

"With the mic, there were no negative comments, no negative energy. At first I completely shut down.

"But now I feel like this happened to me so I could be a voice for young girls who are going through what I went through and don't know how to talk about it. It's not about Chris, about hurting him or sabotaging his career. I don't care about that part of it."








GAGA CANCELLING SHOWS THIS WEEKEND:
LADY GAGA cancelled a show at Purdue University Thursday night...after both her opening acts had performed...because she wasn't well enough to take the stage.

She apologized to fans and explained the cancellation on Twitter and Facebook...saying, quote, "An hour before the show, I was feeling dizzy and having trouble breathing.

Paramedics came to take care of me, and told me my heart rate was irregular...a result of exhaustion and dehydration.

[I] can't apologize enough for how sorry I am. I could hear my fans cheering from my dressing room, I begged everyone to let me go onstage.

My stage has complicated mechanical elements, everyone was concerned I'd be in danger during the [two-hour] show, since I had passed out earlier.

I am so devastated. I have performed with the flu, a cold, strep throat: I would never cancel a show just based on discomfort."

The show has been rescheduled for January 26th. Word is, she's cancelled her performances this weekend too to rest up.







LADY ANTEBELLUM...
...a country artist, but you've been hearing their song "Need You Now" on Q92. Hilary Scott, lead singer...total babe! http://www.ladyantebellum.com/ and check them out.
They might be in town soon ;) ;) ;)







THONG-LOVE???
In case you haven't gotten around to reading it yet, there's an article in the February issue of "Cosmopolitan" magazine, which declares that the THONG is officially dead.

According to "Cosmo", thong sales have been taking a nosedive for the past few years. And at the same time, sales of butt-lifting boy-shorts have gone through the roof.

Perhaps it's time for SISQO to make a comeback! BRING BACK the thong-age!

Although, I must say...I'm *QUITE* the fan of a girl in the booty-huggin' shorts! Big fan.