Ke$ha does Maxim...she likes fat guys with beards (!!!)

Ke$ha takes it all off — and spills every strange thought in her head! — in the new issues of Maxim magazine.



Breakthrough artist Ke$ha hit the scene big this year with her new single Tik Tok — but she is also making a name for herself as quite a strange bird. Ke$ha’s been accused of trying to copy Lady Gaga … but we don’t think Gaga claims to love “fat guys with beards!”

That’s not the only bizarre thing the pop artist says in the March issue of Maxim magazine. She claims not to have a boyfriend, but says “if I met a chubby, bearded man with glasses who didn’t mind being covered in glitter, maybe we could talk. I have yet to find such a man.”


On presenting with Justin Bieber at the Grammys: He’s such a tiny little baby! I would’ve loved to push him around onstage in a carriage.”

Has she ever kissed a girl?: “Oh, yeah. I don’t remember if I’ve ever made out with Katy Perry, but I’ve kissed some b*tches in my life.”

On stalking a guy who never called her back: “I’ve been stalking [Stephen] since I was 15. He’s this loser who wouldn’t call me. You always want what you can’t have, so I wrote a song about him. Anyways, I got a phone call from him after the record came out. I said, ‘You’re so vain, thinking that song was about you.”

She’s the good kind of “party girl”: “You’ve got to define “party girl.” If you mean I’m a walking good time, then hells yea. But I’m not wasted and stumbling out of clubs and getting DUIs. I’m not that kind of party girl. I may be blonde and fun as balls, but I’m not a moron.”

FRRRRRRRRIDAY!

Special Friday edition. Which means no weekend edition. Or, if you want to think you're getting the weekend edition early, go ahead and think that!

Here's some shtuff....






NBC'S RATINGS ARE ALREADY RISING AT 10pm....
Two weeks into NBC's NEW (slash) OLD schedule...which features normal primetime shows in primetime and JAY LENO'S "Tonight Show" in late-night...the network's ratings for the 10:00 P.M. hour have already risen 45%.

"The Jay Leno Show" averaged 5.15 million viewers a night...but over the past two weeks, NBC is averaging 7.44 million viewers a night at 10:00 P.M.

The numbers are up almost every night of the week. Wednesdays have been the best, with "Law and Order: SVU" attracting 8.5 million people. Monday nights are the worst, with "Law & Order" regularly drawing a very Jay-like 5.21 million.

NBC *IS* still in last place among the big 4 networks in primetime TV.








HOW *HIGH* CAN YOU GO?
Luda is in the high digits this week! His new disc "Battle Of The Sexes" is the top-seller this week.







I FINALLY HAVE GOOD THINGS TO SAY ABOUT MILEY CYRUS...
I know, SHOCKER moment! I'm kind of shocked myself. But here's the deal. MILEY CYRUS may be a huge pop star...but she decided to BLAST country music in an interview with "Parade" magazine.

Miley was asked why she hasn't pursued a career in country music...and off she went. She said, quote, "It scares me, that's why. It feels contrived on so many levels. Unless you're wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots and singing and whining about your girlfriend or boyfriend leaving you it's not going to sell."

That seems sort of like a stab at Taylor Swift maybe? Regardless, I'm NOT a fan of country music AT ALL, so GO MILEY! I've attempted to listen to it, I can't. The twangy, whiney guitars, I just can't do it, regardless of the lyrics. If you like country, hey, more power to you, but I've long felt that country is just a bunch of whiney lyrics about wife gone, only have a dog...and a pickup truck...and tractor. And I'm from the city, I can't deal with that! Anyway, Miles continues...

"I think that's why my dad finally got out of it. You have to wear those cowboy boots and be sweet as pie. It makes me nervous, the politics of it all."

Having said that...I firmly believe that Miley will eventually shoot for the country stars, as Jewel has done, Jessica Simpson, Michelle Branch...Miley has a VERY whiney sound on her ballads, and she'd fit in there perfectly. Now, it's whether country will accept her or not when she no longer can make it in the pop music world. She mighta just screwed herself.









ASHTON KUTCHER...ALWAYS "KELSO" TO ME...
ASHTON KUTCHER and NATALIE PORTMAN will play casual sex partners who start to fall in love in a new movie called "Friends with Benefits".

It's being directed by IVAN REITMAN . . . the genius behind the "Ghostbusters" movies, "Kindergarten Cop", "Twins", "Meatballs" and other comedy classics.

By the way...when the script for this one was making the Hollywood rounds, it actually bore the title "(Eff) Buddies". Not that it could have ever been made under that name.









THE LATEST ON PAULA ABDUL...
Earlier this week, "Entertainment Weekly" said that so-called "sources" told them that PAULA ABDUL was close to a deal to host an updated version of "Star Search" for ABC. Well, now they're taking it back.

"Entertainment Weekly" now says "insiders at ABC" tell them that Paula is NOT doing "Star Search" after all. No reason for the change was given...although they also caution that the deal could be back on again at a moment's notice.

In other words, "Entertainment Weekly" has no idea what Paula is up to. Recently, Paula posted a message on Twitter advising us not to believe anything unless it comes directly from her. That sounds good to me.









SNOOKI'S PAST...
RadarOnline.com reports that NICOLE POLIZZI...a.k.a. SNOOKI from "Jersey Shore"...was charged in connection with the alcohol-related death of a teenager named Michael Truncali back in 2004.

Here's what they say happened, allegedly:
Six years ago, Snooki...who was roughly 16 at the time...was throwing a party at her mother's house. And perhaps not shockingly, underage people were drinking.

This Michael kid was there...and was drinking pretty heavily. He made the unfortunate decision to drive home, and on the way he crashed his car and died.

Snooki was charged with selling alcohol to minors...despite the fact that she was a minor herself...because she was CHARGING for alcohol at the party. (Hey, gotta at least admire her entreprenuership, two other men were arrested for providing the alcohol.)

It's not clear what punishment Snooki received, if any, for the crime, and Snooki's mother, who may have been at the house at the time, wasn't charged with anything because there was insufficient evidence that she did anything wrong.

The parents of this Michael kid talked with RadarOnline, and said that they have forgiven Snooki...and accept their son's fault in his own death.

But they say they're NOT cool with how "Jersey Shore" appears to GLORIFY alcohol consumption.








GAGA BEING SUED...
This has been making the 'rounds today, some songwriter and producer named Rob Fusari is suing LADY GAGA for $30.5 million, claiming that he co-wrote some of her early songs and helped launch her career...and hasn't been fairly compensated for his efforts.

He also claims that he came up with the name "Lady Gaga," which he says was inspired by QUEEN'S "Radio Gaga". Lady Gaga has not commented on the suit. (For what it's worth, Fusari also says he had a romantic relationship with her.)

Speaking of Gaga, her new single "Alejandro" which you'll hear soon on Q92...sounds EXACTLY like Ace Of Base/Don't Turn Around!! I swear, it does...








DEBAUCHERY IN DAYTONA...
Right now, colleges all over the country are on Spring Break. Maybe you're like Mount Union, and you've already been there, done that and are back in classes. Anyway, that means lots of kids are on vacation getting hammered, and making risky sexual decisions.

Just this week, there have been six reported RAPES in Daytona Beach, Florida. And so far, just one person has been arrested in connection with a rape.

Sadly, that's still pretty low compared to last year when a total of 41 sexual assaults were reported in Daytona Beach during Spring Break.









HOW DO THE MARCH MADNESS STARS DO IN THE CLASSROOM...??
Every year at the start of March Madness, the Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport at the University of Central Florida releases a report on the graduation rates of basketball teams in the NCAA tournament.

According to this year's report, at BYU, Marquette, Notre Dame, Utah State, Wake Forest and Wofford, 100% of their players graduated on time.

And at Duke and Villanova, more than 90% of their players graduated on time.

But programs like Cal, Arkansas Pine-Bluff, Washington, Tennessee, Kentucky, Baylor and New Mexico State all graduated fewer than 36% of their players on time.

And the University of Maryland's on-time graduation rate is a pathetic 8%. That's just ONE PLAYER on the team's entire roster.

Still, according to Maryland's coach, Gary Williams, the numbers are deceiving.

He says, "Obviously, those years we had players leave early and they're millionaires now, and they're coming back to get their degrees, just like other guys have come back and gotten their degrees."

Um, for the record, there are only three former University of Maryland players in the NBA right now...STEVE BLAKE of the Los Angeles Clippers, JOE SMITH of the Atlanta Hawks and CHRIS WILCOX of the Detroit Pistons.








CHAT ROULETTE STATS...
One of the most entertaining websites on the Internet right now is ChatRoulette.com. It randomly pairs up webcam users with strangers around the world, and the site's just filled with freaks.

Anyway, a group called RJ Metrics performed a study to find out who's using Chat Roulette, and how exactly they're using it. Check it out:

--89% of Chat Roulette users are men, and about 70% of them are between the ages of 20 and 40.

--That means just 11% of Chat Roulette users are women. They tend to skew a little younger, with 23% under the age of 20, and 97% under the age of 40.

--47% of Chat Roulette users are from the United States. After that, the country with the second-greatest showing on the site is France at 15%.

--At any given time, about ONE in EIGHT Chat Roulette users are doing something X-rated on their webcam. That includes exposing their privates, having sex or going to town on their junk.

--And you're twice as likely to encounter a homemade sign asking women to show their boobs than you are to encounter actual female nudity.

--Overall, users from the UK are most likely to molest themselves on camera, followed by Turkey, France and Germany. Americans are least likely to molest themselves on Chat Roulette.

www.chatroulette.com
Enjoy.









SAINT PADDY'S PICS...
Check out the fun we had on Wednesday! http://www.q92radio.com/cpg133/index.php







CAR RELIABILITY....
Yesterday, J.D. Power and Associates released its annual Vehicle Dependability Study. It's based on the number of problems original owners have experienced with their 3-year-old cars...meaning from the 2007 model year.

The five MOST dependable cars on the market are:
#1.) Porsche
#2.) Lincoln
#3.) Buick
#4.) Lexus
#5.) Mercury

And the five LEAST dependable cars on the market are:
#1.) Land Rover
#2.) Suzuki
#3.) Volkswagen
#4.) Jeep
#5.) MINI


If you're wondering, Toyota was ranked as the sixth most dependable car brand.

Somehow, I get the feeling the bulk of J.D. Power and Associates' research was collected BEFORE all this recall nonsense.
http://www.jdpower.com/autos/articles/2010-Vehicle-Dependability-Study-Results








Have a GREAT weekend! Thanks for reading and listening!

GETCHA GREEN ON...

Hope yer rockin' the GREEN today! I've got mine on...in places you can't see ;)
....and places you CAN!
Btw, Kiss Me? I'm (1/3) Irish!!!!

Tonight, 7-Midnight, and Friday as well.
Shtuff? You bet!








LICK 'ER....
Scientists now agree that drinking any type of alcohol in moderation is good for you. But some drinks are better than others. Just in time for St. Patrick's Day, here are four drinks that'll give you a hangover, but also a few health benefits...

#1.) RED WINE. It's the best. It has antioxidants from the skins of grapes that protect the lining of your heart's blood vessels. And it has something called Reservatrol that lowers bad cholesterol and helps prevent your blood from clotting.

It also fights off Alzheimer's disease, and recent studies show that drinking red wine might even lower your risk of lung cancer.

#2.) WHITE WINE. It's not as good as red wine, but it still has its benefits. Specifically, it helps prevent tooth decay and sore throats.

#3.) WHISKEY. An Australian study found that having a shot of Jack Daniels for breakfast gives you the same antioxidant benefits as your recommended dose of vitamin C.

#4.) BEER. Just like low-dose aspirin, it can actually help prevent a heart attack. But only if it's dark beer.

University of Wisconsin researchers actually made a bunch of dogs drink Guinness. And one pint prevented blood platelets from clotting, just like aspirin does.



...Speaking of hangovers, let's talk about it tonight. What drink will you NEVER drink again, and why? We'll also put DRUNK PEOPLE on the radio...because we can...and it's festive!




ROMANTIC BEGINNINGS...
In case you REALLY needed to know...it's official: DEMI LOVATO and JOE JONAS are dating. Access Hollywood got the scooped when they asked "So you're dating him now?"

Her response: "Yeah, he is my best friend and he is incredible. He's perfect."
Joe has previously dated TAYLOR SWIFT and actress CAMILLA BELLE.








ROMANTIC ENDINGS....??? (CAN ENDINGS *BE* ROMANTIC?!...)
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT and JAMIE KENNEDY have broken up. So far, though, nobody's saying what we're all thinking: That Jennifer finally realized just how far DOWN she was dating.
A so-called "source" says, "It wasn't contentious. It had kind of just run its course."

One of the things that kept them apart was their busy work schedules...which is ironic, since they actually work TOGETHER on Jennifer's show, "The Ghost Whisperer".

But the source says Jennifer is also busy doing a Lifetime movie and promoting her new book, "The Day I Shot Cupid". And when Jamie's not filming the show, he's touring the country doing standup.

Another source says that everything is cool between them and there's no drama on the set of "The Ghost Whisperer".

Jennifer is a little worried about being single again, though.
She says, "I don't like to go out to clubs and party. I'm not into 'Let's go out with one guy on a Monday and another guy on a Wednesday.' That's just not me.

"I'm a relationship kind of girl. I like a twosome. Some people get excited about being single. I don't."

Hi, Jenny Love. Robbie Mack here. Let's be a twosome. It will be spectacular.

Jennifer would also like you to know that things are cool with Jamie on the set of "The Ghost Whisperer". She says, "It's been totally fine. It's really a testament to who he is and who I am. We're both grown-ups."

She adds, quote, "[The split was] a mutual decision, and we've parted as friends. There's no anger, there's no upset, there's no enemies."






PETER GRAVES PASSED AWAY...
I personally remember him best from the "Airplane" movies...SO FUNNY! "Joey...have you seen a grown man naked?" My friend Amanda came over last night and we watched it...pretty sure she didn't find it QUITE as funny as I do, BUT...






COCO FTW!!!
Love this! JAY LENO posed with a fan for a pic...looks like they may have been doing a "Jaywalking" segment...and as the pic was snapped, the guy opened up his hand which says....well, you see it...








YA CINCY THEY GETS KRA-ZAY....
A website called TheDailyBeast.com recently decided to rank America's 57 largest metropolitan areas in terms of CRAZINESS.

Basically, they ranked cities based on four criteria thought to have an impact on mental health: The number of psychiatrists per capita, alcoholism rates, stress, and the so-called eccentricity of residents.

Here are the five "craziest" cities in America:
#1.) CINCINNATTI, OHIO!!!! What up, 'natti?!
#2.) San Francisco, California
#3.) Providence, Rhode Island
#4.) Milwaukee, Wisconsin
#5.) Las Vegas, Nevada

Cleveland came in at #13.
Psychiatrists per capita: 11 Stress: 2 (tie) Eccentricity: 43 Drinking: 29
Crazy Law: Women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, so that men will not see the reflections of their underwear.








PAULA ABDUL, POST-IDOL....
It's been seven months since PAULA ABDUL said that she was parting ways with "American Idol"...and six months since everyone completely lost interest in the 24-Hour Paula Abdul Job Watch, which was never all that interesting.

There have been rumors regarding "Dancing with the Stars", "So You Think You Can Dance" and SIMON COWELL'S upcoming American version of "The X Factor". And now, we've got a new one to add...although this one sounds like it's really close to happening.

So called "sources" tell "Entertainment Weekly" that Paula is, "finalizing" a deal to host an updated version of "Star Search" for ABC.

There aren't many details, yet...but here's what we know: The show is being developed for a summer premiere...and Paula's role, which is still being defined, could include both hosting and judging responsibilities.

Reps for both Paula and ABC have yet to comment on this.

There's no indication that this would get in the way of Paula doing "The X Factor", which will debut in the fall of 2011. But really, it's too early to be thinking about that...since EVERYTHING is hypothetical at this point.

The original "Star Search"...hosted by ED MCMAHON...ran from 1983 to 1995. And Paula's ex-boyfriend, ARSENIO HALL, hosted a short-lived re-launch, which ran from 2003 to 2004.








WOMAN STRIVES TO GET FATTER...
We all have goals. Some people want to run their own business. Others want to travel the world. And some people want to set a new world record...like 42-year-old Donna Simpson of Old Bridge, New Jersey.

Right now, Donna weighs just over 600 pounds. But in the next two years, she hopes to reach 1,000 pounds, in order to become THE WORLD'S FATTEST WOMAN.

That's right, Donna WANTS to become the world's heaviest woman. And she's stuffing her face with 12,000 calories day...which is only slightly less than the average person would consume in an entire week...to make sure she gets there.

Donna says, quote, "In a typical day I'll eat four burgers and fries, a loaf of bread with peanut butter and jam, four servings of meatloaf and mashed potato, a large pizza, a chocolate cake with ice cream and cream, 12 cupcakes, two cheesecakes and fizzy drinks."

Her grocery bill comes to about $750 A WEEK (!!!), which Donna pays for by running a fetish eating website where so-called "fat admirers" pay to watch Donna gorge herself....she makes 4 GRAND A MONTH off that site too!

And while you might think Donna's boyfriend, (yes, she has one) 49-year-old Philippe, would have a problem with her goal...he doesn't. That's because, as Donna puts it, quote, "He's a real belly man."








SHOULD YOU UPGRADE? A WEBSITE WILL TELL YOU...
There's a new website that can answer one of the biggest questions in every relationship: Are you WAY TOO GOOD LOOKING to be with your boyfriend or girlfriend???

The site is called CanDoBetter.com, and the concept is pretty simple: Anyone can upload a picture of themselves and the person they're dating.

Then the masses get to take a look at the photo of the couple and vote on whether the girl can do better, the guy can do better, or if they're a perfect match. It's just like HotOrNot.com, but with couples.

The site has a social networking feature, too...so if you think someone can do better...and that "better" option is YOU...you can contact them.

Dino Luzzi is the founder of the site...he says, quote, "We understand singles are searching for quality, not quantity, and CanDoBetter.com increases the odds of finding a suitable dating partner."

^she should UPgrade!







WHERE TO DRIVE...AND NOT TO DRIVE...
Recently, the people over at "Reader's Digest" crunched a bunch of numbers, and compiled a state-by-state list of the safest and deadliest roads in America.

Based on safety, traffic congestion, and the condition of streets and bridges, the five states with the SAFEST roads are:

#1.) Kansas
#2.) Wisconsin
#3.) Montana
#4.) New Mexico
#5.) Utah

...ya know...where there are NO PEOPLE!

And the five states with the DEADLIEST roads, based on the number of fatalities per 100 million drivers, are:
#1.) Montana
#2.) Louisiana
#3.) South Carolina
#4.) West Virginia
#5.) Arkansas

So, Montana made BOTH lists. According to "Reader's Digest", that's because Montana's roads are in good condition, but there are still a lot of deadly crashes for other reasons.

For example, Montana is the state with the most deadly DUI accidents.
And the state with the most deadly accidents caused by speeding is Alabama.






WHAT...
is Adam Lambert wearing?? This is right up there with the "cod piece"...yeesh!

MARCH 13 & 14: DUSTING OFF THE GREEN...

Green is popping up EVERYWHERE the last few days. You've got the looming drinking holiday of course, but also temps in the upper 60's, meaning...what's that? GRASS?!?! We haven't seen THAT in what, a month at least?

Big things are poppin' at Q92 as well. We've got the next installment in our Q92 New Face Showcase...we aren't officially calling it that, but I like it...LOL...
MATISYAHU comes March 19, that's this Friday!! We've got passes this weekend for ya, PLUS we've got the NEW BOYZ coming on March 24!
And that's just the START...:)

Here's some shtuff.....










GAGA LOVES HER FANS...MORE THAN HER LADY PARTS!
In a new interview with the "New York Times", LADY GAGA talked about how she weighs the needs of her fans...against the needs of her vagina.

She said, quote, "I live my life completely serving only my work and my fans. And that way, I have to think about not what is best for my vagina but what is best for my fans and for me artistically."








JAY-Z CRASHES OBAMA'S HOUSE...
JAY-Z and BEYONCÉ visited the White House last week...and they took the opportunity to pose for a few pictures, including one with Jay-Z sitting underneath the presidential seal at some big table.
TREY SONGZ and Beyoncé's mom, Tina, were also there...along with various other members of their entourage.

Check it...






BRIT BRIT IS BANNED FROM LI-LO!
Pulitzer Prize Candidate (yes, really) "The National Enquirer" says that BRITNEY SPEARS' dad has banned her from having any contact with LINDSAY LOHAN.

Supposedly, Lindsay called Britney recently, asking for tips on how to get her life back on track. And Britney's dad, Jamie Spears, hit the roof.

A so-called "source" says, quote, "He instantly phoned Lindsay's managers and told them he would not tolerate further attempts to contact his daughter. Jamie's trying to keep what he deems to be bad influences away from his daughter, and Lindsay certainly qualifies."







DIAZ AND TIMBERLAKE...
CAMERON DIAZ is looking forward to working with ex-boyfriend JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE on the upcoming flick "Bad Teacher".

She says, quote, "He's the best person for the job. He's going to be hilarious. He's clearly a very talented comedian, look at his 'Saturday Night Live' [skits]. He's fantastic, he's going to be so great."

Should J. Biel be worried? Hmmmm.







LIL WAYNE GOES TO THE BIG HOUSE...
Here's what some of Wayne's peers had to say about this travesty...
We're going to play a little game here, and rate each person's response as either "It's one year in prison"...or "It's the end of the world!!!" Here we go.

YOUNG JEEZY: "It's just an eye-opener to all of us. Instead of targeting the hustlers and the people trying to make it in the streets, now that the streets is dried up, now [the police] are targeting the entertainers and the athletes, what have you.

"Real talk, not trying to preach to the choir, we gotta be careful out here. What I mean to my culture is more than me proving a point." (???)

Grade: "It's just one year in prison"...but with the melodramatic warning that the rap community is going to have to start preparing to be treated just like everyone else in the eye of the law. Hip-hop on alert!!!


DIDDY: "The beauty about it is, he'll be back, and hopefully he'll come back a better person. Whenever we get in trouble, we're in the public spotlight.

"So hopefully there's a lot of kids out there who could learn from any mistakes that we may have put ourselves in, even if we're not guilty of the crime sometimes.

"We are human. People have to learn: 'Make sure you know where you're going, who you riding with, what the situation is.' We're targets. I'm just happy he doesn't have to do a lot of time."

Grade: "It's just one year in prison"...but with the not-so-thinly veiled suggestion that the imprisonment is unjust.


LEBRON JAMES: "[The game] is definitely gonna miss him. I think we all love his inspiration behind his music, how much time he puts into his music. The game will miss him, but we'll be waiting for him when he gets back."

Grade: "It's just one year in prison." Diplomatic as usual, Mr. James.


BUN B: (Who you've never heard of, and neither have I) "I feel bad, because I don't think anything like this has happened in music since Elvis got drafted into the Army. (!!!)

"Lil' Wayne is not just the biggest rapper, [he] is the biggest pop star right now. Maybe Susan Boyle is on his level. But when you talk about music, nine times out of 10, Lil Wayne's name is gonna come into the conversation.

Grade: IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!








SAD FACT: WE'RE TOO TIRED TO GET BUSY...
Monday, the National Sleep Foundation released the results of a new study about race and sleeping habits. Here's what they found...

According to the study, WHITES are most likely to be diagnosed with insomnia. And they're also most likely to blame lack of sleep for their poor job performance, and their inability to care for their family.

BLACKS are most likely to be diagnosed with sleep apnea. And they're also most likely to pray and have sex before bed.

HISPANICS are most likely to lose sleep over concerns about their job and money.

And ASIANS are most likely to get a good night's sleep, with FIVE in every SIX saying they sleep soundly at least a few nights every week.

But the real travesty is that overall, roughly ONE in FOUR Americans say they're so sleep-deprived that they're usually too tired to have SEX. :( :(







TSB...TIME SPENT BANGIN'
Just in case there was any doubt, Americans are nothing but a pack of liars. Here's how I know...
Recently, our friends at AdamAndEve.com asked 1,000 Americans how long their AVERAGE lovemaking session lasts. Check out the results:

According to the survey, 12.8% of Americans say their average grind session lasts ten minutes or less.

26.8% say it usually lasts 20 minutes.

31.2% say it usually lasts 30 minutes.

16.7% say it usually lasts 45 minutes.

And 12.5% say it usually last an hour or longer. Or look at it this way...

If we're to believe the results of this survey, more than THREE in FIVE Americans regularly do the nasty for 30 minutes or longer. And nearly ONE in THREE usually goes for 45 minutes or longer. And does that sound right to you?






STRANGE YET TRUE...
There's nothing worse than dropping $9 on a movie ticket, only to have the experience ruined by some jerk on a cell phone talking during the movie. Actually, maybe there's ONE THING worse...

Two Saturdays ago, an unidentified man was at the Cinemark 22 movie theater in Lancaster, California, which isn't too far from El Lay.

After the movie started, an unidentified woman in the theater got on her cell phone and started talking during the flick. So the guy asked her to turn it off.

But apparently, the woman's boyfriend did NOT appreciate this guy telling his girlfriend what to do. So he and his buddy ATTACKED the guy, and ended up stabbing him in the neck with a MEAT THERMOMETER. (!!!) OK, here's what I wanna know. WHO THE EFF takes a MEAT THERMOMETER WITH THEM ANYWHERE?!

Anyway, the man was rushed to the hospital, where he was treated for his injuries and released.

According to the police, no arrests have been made in the attack yet.







ANDY RICHTER RIPS JAY LENO!!!
CONAN O'BRIEN'S sidekick ANDY RICHTER was filling in for REGIS PHILBIN on "Live with Regis and Kelly" Tuesday...and he took the opportunity to address the NBC Late-Night Mess, which he's obviously very familiar with.

This was the first time he'd spoken out on the situation, and he didn't pull any punches...even though KELLY RIPA gave him an out when she brought it up.

She asked, quote, "Do you have any ill feelings toward NBC and JAY [LENO]...not that you're going to be honest, but go ahead. Go for it."

And, Andy opened up...and RIPPED both NBC and Jay.

He said, quote, "Um...yes. Yes, I do. Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't I? I mean, my God, I'd be some sort of self-hater...I mean, NBC definitely...everybody said they were gonna do something, and then they didn't.

"They all said years ago, 'We're gonna do something,' and then they didn't. There was all kinds of talk about our ratings not being very good, but they were pretty good all summer. And then our lead-in changed and then they weren't so good anymore."

That new lead-in...of course...was "The Jay Leno Show".

Throughout all this chaos, we've been constantly pointing out that flaw in the ratings argument: That Conan couldn't have been expected to maintain Jay's "Tonight Show" audience, while Jay was still hosting another "Tonight Show"...just before Conan's "Tonight Show". It's silly.

You know, why would Jay's viewers give Conan a fair shot...when they could still watch Jay? How many "Tonight Shows" are they expected to watch in one night???

Well...Kelly seized on this point, and asked Andy, quote, "It's very hard, I would think, to have a lead-in for a nighttime talk show that is a nighttime talk show."

Andy answered, "Yes. It was very difficult."

And that's when he turned his attention to Jay. He said, quote, "It's very frustrating when somebody says...and especially when they're on videotape saying, 'I'm gonna take this Number One show and hand it over and hope that the next guy makes it a Number One show.' And then doesn't.

"And says things like, 'Well, I didn't have any choice. They wouldn't let me out of my contract.'"

"Which...you know how multimillionaires are always being forced to do things they don't want to do. It's frustrating. It's very frustrating."





SPEAKING OF LENO...HIS RATINGS ARE SLIPPING ALREADY...
According to the early numbers, Monday's episode drew 4.36 million viewers.

That was still enough to edge out "The Late Show with David Letterman", which had 4.19 million viewers...but it was down sharply from last Monday, when 6.6 million people tuned in for Leno's first night back.

Leno beat Letterman every night last week, but it'll be interesting to see where everything is once Leno settles back in. There are already some bad signs. On Monday night, Leno lost the coveted 18-to-49-year-old demographic to Letterman.




THE COCO TOUR IS ON!!!
First of all, I'm VERY disappointed this is coming NOWHERE close to us! :(
I hope more dates get added after a high demand. I've heard some shows are already sold out!

Over the next year or so, we're going to find out just how REAL this whole "Team Conan" phenomenon is. First up: The CONAN O'BRIEN live tour, which was just confirmed Thursday. Here are the details:

It'll be called the Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour...and it'll include 36 shows...running from April 12th in Eugene, Oregon, through June 14th in Atlanta.

Conan made the announcement on Twitter... "Hey Internet: I'm headed to your town on a half-assed comedy & music tour. Go to TeamCoco.com for tix. I repeat: It's half-assed."

As for content, Conan promises, quote, "a night of music, comedy, hugging, and the occasional awkward silence."
To see all the dates, and to purchase tickets, hit up this link
http://teamcoco.com/
And here's Conan's Twitter feed, for updates and random hilarity
http://twitter.com/conanobrien






J. SIMPSON DOES LETTERMAN...
On Dave Wednesday night, JESSICA SIMPSON admitted that she's still friends with Dallas Cowboys quarterback TONY ROMO...and perhaps still a little too fixated on him.

She said, quote, "Tony is great, still a friend of mine. I still look at his cute butt in the outfit...uniform."

When Dave asked Jessica why they broke up, she said, quote, "You'd have to ask him that. He broke up with me on my birthday...[But] we are still good friends."

Jessica also said...yet again...that she was disappointed when JOHN MAYER leaked their bedroom secrets to "Playboy".

And she added, quote, "It was definitely a compliment, in a way. I don't really want people to know that about me. I'm like the good girl, then that happened."

When Letterman suggested that Jessica could be BOTH a good girl AND sexual napalm, Jessica said, "I am. But he gave away my game."

She also said, "I will always care about him. I think he's a great person, a great musician, but I was very disappointed by the article."






BETTY WHITE...SNL...DEETS!
88-year-old BETTY WHITE recently confirmed that she WILL be appearing on "Saturday Night Live" this season...and now we finally have the details.

She will be hosting the May 8th episode...and contrary to early rumors, she will be hosting alone. (Not as part of a group of comediennes.)

However, it's going to be a special Mother's Day episode...which will also feature the returns of six female "SNL" veterans: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Molly Shannon, Maya Rudolph, Ana Gasteyer and Rachel Dratch.

So even though Betty will be hosting solo, the "SNL" reunion would allow her to take a more limited role in the sketches, if she chooses to.

But it sounds like Betty is up for anything. She says, quote, "I've got so much energy, it's ridiculous. I love working. My schedule is a feverish one, and I'm used to that."

As you probably know by now, the rush to bring Betty to "SNL" was started by a Facebook campaign called "Betty White to Host SNL (please?)!"...but "SNL" boss LORNE MICHAELS said he's, quote, "always wanted" her to do it.

And Betty backs that up...quote, "Years ago, I turned it down three times. It's so New York, and I'm not New York at all. But my agent said he'd divorce me if I didn't do it, and I love my agent."







COLLEGE COURSE STUPIDITY...
If you're still clinging to the idea that college isn't a complete joke, you need to hear this list from the Huffington Post, identifying the ten most ridiculous college courses you can actually take at schools around the country. Check it out:

At Santa Clara University, you can take a class called The Joy of Garbage, where you explore "the technical aspects of decomposition and waste processes."

At Cornell University, you can take a class called Tree Climbing. (Once, while in Columbus, I passed a sign "Men In Trees"...like a "Road Construction Ahead" sign? I SO wanted to steal that!)

At Georgetown University, you can take a class called Philosophy and "Star Trek".

At UCLA, you can take a class called Queer Musicology, which explores pressing issues like "the possibility that being gay makes music by gay composers sound different to you than it would if you were straight."

At Pitzer College in California, you can take a class called Learning from YouTube, which...shocker...consists of "students watching, discussing, and commenting on YouTube videos."

At Stanford University, you can take a class called iPhone Application Programming. (Actually, if you went to college to get a decent job afterwards, this class might not be such a lame idea.)

At Alfred University in New York, you can take a class called Maple Syrup; The Real Thing.

At Frostburg State University in Maryland, you can take a class called The Science of "Harry Potter".

At Centre College in Kentucky, you can take a class called The Art of Walking.

And at Reed College in Oregon, you can take a class called Underwater Basket Weaving. No, really.






CONCERT NEWS: PEARL JAM
If you like you some 90's rock, PEARL JAM will play at The Q on May 9. Tickets on sale next weekend!





MICHELLE BRANCH...
She hasn't done much musically for awhile, but she IS in a mag called "Inked" showing off some 'artwork'....I'll be honest, I've ALWAYS liked me some Michelle Branch. She pushes my hot button.




Of course the Michelle Branch fascination hit full-speed ahead back in 2004 when she popped up in Maxim wearing THIS....









WHAT'S ON YOUR GPS...
I will never own a GPS. If it comes standard on a car I buy, I doubt I'll ever use it. BUT, many of you do...
Last December, a communications company called TeleNav conducted a study to find out what business GPS users search for most often when they're on the road.
The results:
#1.) Wal-Mart
#2.) Starbucks
#3.) Target
#4.) Best Buy
#5.) Bank of America
#6.) Walgreen's
#7.) Pizza Hut
#8.) Home Depot
#9.) McDonald's
#10.) Chase Bank






That's about all...it's wet out...stay dry!

MARCH: MADNESS

Well here we go, into March. Don't they say you go into March like a lion or a lamb? It's gotta be a lamb this week! Beautiful weekend on tap too, temps into the 40's...lovin' it!

DOIN' IT BIG ON Q92...
We've got MATISYAHU coming to town on Friday afternoon, March 19th. It's another of our Q92 INVITE-ONLY AQUSTIC SHOWS at The Pub & Panini's. Passes ALL weekend, just listen for the Q-to-call and score those!

PLUS details coming next week on ANOTHER aqustic show...tickets for DAUGHTRY & LIFEHOUSE at The Wolstein....
I was talking with the boss about all of the cool artists we have coming right here to Canton over the next 2 or so months...ALOT of great meet & greet opportunities for YOU, coming soon, so just keep listening!

AND...we have some cool fancy equipment that makes us sound better than we did before...and more fancy new stuff is coming. It's a big deal to us, for you, it just means your music will sound even better, and there's nothing wrong with that!!
Aight, here's some shtuff....







RUBBER SHIPMENT
At the start of the Vancouver Games, the Olympic Village was stocked with 100,000 condoms. That's 14 for every athlete at the games.

Keep in mind that not every athlete stayed in the village, and some teams, like U.S. Curling, brought their own supply of condoms.

Anyway, it STILL wasn't enough. The Olympic Village was out of condoms by Friday, and an "emergency airlift" had to bring in another 8,500 to get them through the final weekend.

Some athletes claim that all of the condoms weren't used for filthy carnal relations. Many athletes took handfuls back to their home country as souvenirs.






WE OWE CANADA SOME ALCHEY...
For some reason, politicians like making friendly bets with each other over sporting events. I'm not sure why, but they do.

Anyway, PRESIDENT OBAMA made a bet with Canada's Prime Minister Stephen Harper before the gold medal Olympic ice hockey game on Sunday.
If the U.S. had won, Harper would have owed Obama a case of Molson (I prefer Labatt), which was founded in 1786, and is the oldest beer maker in Canada.

But since Canada won, Obama has to give Harper a case of Yuengling, the beer made in Pennsylvania at the oldest brewery in the United States, established in 1829.

Aren't you glad you know that?

btw, Yuengling isn't available here. I've never had one. The Yuengling Brewery currently only distributes to 10 states along the eastern seaboard: Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida and Alabama.











GLAMBERT...
"I am a pretty open-minded person and I WOULD have sex with a woman."
That's Adam Lambert, as quoted by Britain's not-always-reliable "News of the World" tabloid.

He added, quote, "Although I am not sure about a relationship, anything is possible because I am really comfortable with sexuality generally."





KE$HA THEN...7TH GRADE








KE$HA NOW....YUMMY-LICIOUS











BABY MAMA DRAMA...
You may have heard of a record producer and recording artist THE-DREAM. He clearly has a thing for the R&B ladies that were hot in 2002. He's currently married to CHRISTINA MILLIAN ("Dip It Low", "AM to PM"), and she gave birth to their first child last week. BUT, he also has 3 kids with ex-wife NIVEA ("Don't Mess With My Man", "Okay").







CLEVELAND IS THE SUBJECT OF NEW SITCOM WITH BETTY WHITE...
"Golden Girls" superstar BETTY WHITE will star in an upcoming sitcom called "Hot in Cleveland", which is being developed by TV Land. (It's the network's first original series.)

The cast also features three other former sitcom stars: VALERIE BERTINELLI from "One Day at a Time"...JANE LEEVES, who played Daphne on "Frasier"...and WENDIE MALICK, who played Nina on "Just Shoot Me!".

"Hot in Cleveland" is about three friends from L.A....played by Valerie, Jane and Wendie...who somehow get stranded in Cleveland, and end up staying when they discover that the locals consider them glamorous.

Betty will play a crazy old woman who lives in a cottage on the property that the women purchase in Cleveland.








SPEAKING OF CLEVELAND TV SHOWS...
ALWAYS loved The Drew Carey Show a few years ago. NAN MARTIN...who played Mrs. Louder died yesterday of complications from emphysema. She was 82.






AND SPEAKING OF CLEVELAND...
We set a RECORD last night...for SNUGGIES....at the Cavs game! LOOK at this pic....





SEX SHTUFF...
When it comes to sex, we all know men and women aren't always on the same page. But according to the March issue of "Men's Health", there are a few things we can agree on.

Basically, the survey asked nearly 5,000 men and women to rank a bunch of sexual activities and say which ones they were most interested in, and least interested in. Here's what they found:

The five things guys are most interested in doing with their partner are:

#1.) Having sex in public
#2.) Getting a striptease or lap dance
#3.) Watching pornography
#4.) Handcuffing their partner
#5.) And having a threesome with another woman

And the five things women are most interested in are:
#1.) Using sex toys
#2.) Being handcuffed
#3.) Having sex in public
#4.) Giving a striptease or lap dance
#5.) And watching pornography together


--The five things men are least interested in are:
#1.) THE EVIL THREESOME...which is what it's called when it involves two guys
#2.) S & M
#3.) Trading dirty pictures
#4.) Spanking
#5.) And role-playing

And the five things women are least interested in are:
#1.) S & M
#2.) THE EVIL THREESOME
#3.) A threesome with another woman
#4.) Backdoor relations
#5.) And trading dirty pictures








LINDSAY LOHAN...
...HOT pics! That's all.









And I think that's a beautiful way to end it for the week!
DON'T FORGET...MATISYAHU passes...listen and win 'em!!!